Quit Pretense and Start Living

“If you want to be happy, don’t do something you don’t like. Don’t say something you don’t mean. Pretending and lying to you will only breed unhappiness.”

Do you like your job? Do you feel comfortable in yourself? Do you love your partner? Are you happy? You may answer yes to these questions, but is that what you believe deep down?

Trending now; we see people go through life pretending rather than living. Like we find it easier to tell ourselves that we feel good about somethings or someone than to come clean we don’t. After all, contentment doesn’t require action. Convincing ourselves we are happy when we are not even close to be, we dodge the difficult decisions that would be necessary to change our current situation.

Quit Pretense

If we pretend everything is fine, there is no need to quit that job we hate. We don’t have to contend with all the risks, fears, and potential disapproval we might face from friends, loved ones, and colleagues if we leave it behind.

Here is how we roll:

We don’t have to tell our partner that we are not in love with him or her anymore or that we are not happy in our relationship.

We don’t have to swallow our pride and ask for help when we need it because, hey, everything is just fine!

We can simply smile and keep pretending.

We try very hard to pretend everything is fine in our lives while knowing deep down that this could not be further from the truth. We spend so much time trying to conform to society and the expectation of those around us that we lose the ability to listen to our hearts.

The truth is, something inside of us already knows the answer. More often than not, the answer lies in the fact that we have to ask the question in the first place. When we are genuinely happy, we know. And when we are not, we know that, too.

It does not take much courage to go through life pretending everything is all right. Exposing our true selves, fully embracing our deepest desires, and facing our fears, however, requires a tremendous amount.

In all honesty, I spent many years of my life pretending. I pretend like I have it all, like I am better than those around me, I act like I have it all under control knowing deep down I am just an empty drum. I pretended to agree with everyone around me to avoid the risk of rejection and disapproval.

No lies here, I have even pretended to be shy, so that people won’t say I am lousy. I am a natural extrovert, undoubtedly. But at the same time, being shy was very convenient for me. At many times, it was a means to stay quiet, avoid risks, and maintain the illusion that I was better than I really was. After spending so much time hiding my true self, I finally reached a point where I just had enough of it. 

Enough of being fake, enough of insincere relationships, enough of trying to be liked and seeking the approval of others. Enough! (I slapped myself real hard the day it became unbearable for me. LOL). It was then that I made up my mind: I would stop pretending.

I didn’t want to have fake relationships where people liked me for something I am not because I was too scared to show them the real me.

I play it safe at first meetings because of the fear of giving the wrong impression or the wrong answer or saying the wrong thing and ruining everything. We all want to be loved, but if we are rolling with someone who is hyper-analyzing every little thing we do, waiting for an opportunity to reject us, how could they possibly be the right match?

Even if that strategy works, are we not running the risk of ending up in a tasteless relationship with the wrong person by pretending to be someone else? “FAKE IDENTITY”

It is easier to pretend than to be truly honest with ourselves, but what is the point? It comes with an unreasonable price.

Romans 12:2; Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

If I pretend my current state is satisfying, what are the chances that I will make the necessary changes to create a fulfilling career that will bring meaning to my life?

If I pretend to be happy in a relationship when my true feelings clearly say something else, how can I improve my relationship? Ask yourself that.

If you are constantly trying to be someone you are not, how can you create meaningful relationships with people who would have loved you if only you had given them a chance to know who you really are?

I wanted my relationships with others to be meaningful, profound, and emotionally rewarding. I didn’t want to constantly analyze every word that crosses my mind, and handpick only those that will earn me the approval of the person I’m speaking to.

You should be able to say that I hate this even when everyone around you loved it.  Be able to say you dont know, even when others knows it.. 

Pretense is choking, because you must not be caught. Then you will lose it all, the friends, the love, the fame, everything will turn around to be hatred and detest.

These days, I’m being honest, showing the real me, and saying what is true for me.

Unapologetically state the fact that you don’t know or like something’s , openly share your passion with people , discuss the things you are worried about , and even talk about how you have envisioned your future. Never remain quiet when you feel the need to express yourself or be you..

In short, go from qualifying and explaining your honest statements to saying the truth as it is, without all the unnecessary comments that you would usually add to it. Quit apologizing for being you and stop feeling bad about yourself because of things that cannot be changed.

Pretending is costly, although it is not money we give away, but rather peace of mind and happiness.

Fortunately, we always have a choice. We can keep pretending everything is okay, refuse to take any risks, and settle for an okay relationship, a mediocre job, and a run-of-the-mill life. Or we can make a decision to accept ourselves as we truly are, embrace our fear and discomfort, and give ourselves a chance to create a meaningful relationship both with ourselves and others.

It might be time for you to stop pretending and start being truly honest with yourself. Otherwise, you could miss a chance to find a life that leaves you excited to wake up every morning and meet people who love you for who you are, not for who you pretend to be.

Yaaaayiii

Kore