My heart drains as I write this.
In my subconscious, I
thought I could control things, I thought I got it covered, I thought my good
heart, my intentions, sacrifices,
selflessness, hard work, strength and commitment is all I needed to put in it.
At some point I sort of used God, I tried
to manipulate him in my requests and prayers to just make things work
for me just the way I wanted, I felt
it was right. Gave my everything to make things work, I said; "God I give all to you, take control" but
I still hold on to it all , I still
struggle with it and still face the battle my self.
…..Not knowing I was fetching inside a basket, I invested
wrongly, I wasted it on the things that I should have let come naturally. Wait
a minute, I thought there was nothing wrong being you and giving your best in
everything you do. I thought I was better,
I felt highly of myself…. Oh gosh !!!!
Oh! stupid me, Ignored the signs….. oh don’t look at me that
way, yes, I saw the red signal. It was telling me to take it slow, it was
telling me to use my head not my heart, it was telling me to focus on God and
he will settle every other thing , But I let my flesh, unfriendly relationships, my emotions, the side attractions distract
me.
Now, I have been stabbed in the heart, no one is here to
rescue, I am left with me and my stupidity, to deal with the mess. At every
point in life, always be true to yourself, it will bounce back on you and it
will hurt you more. So, for me, I ran back to the only one who will take me back
regardless. I ran to the cross…. Yes I
went back to the one who gave the signals at first, he was trying to save me
from this mess. I just deceived myself, with
lies and lots of excuses.
Hey! YOU! are you trying to manipulate God too? well sorry
he is not man, he knows what’s best for you, so he won’t give in. OR are you
been controlled by your emotions, neglecting the signs, the red signals
flashing on your face……I laugh in Chinese, you
better wake up and face it no matter how difficult. You better walk away
and let go before they break the sad news or before you fail at those things you think is right. You will deceive yourself and hate
yourself afterwards.
People won’t care how you will feel or how you will deal with
the pain or loss, just let go of unhealthy
relationships, bad habits, insecurities, emotional attachments or blackmails
that you know deep down is not the right
one. Most especially, when you have foreseen the outcome. Well if you don’t
heed now, dealing with the loss and guilt is terrible. At that point you begin
to battle with regrets, which leads to
negative self-talk and depression.
You better listen
before you shoot yourself In the foot. self deception is the surest way to self-destruction, reality has a way of catching up with us. Just as surely as distress must follow self-deceit , healing must follow self-honesty
I am sure as you read
this, you wondering why do I sound like
this… well, i Ignored the signals at some point
in my life and I deceived myself.
I thought I can control it all, I thought everything will go my way, I
thought I could get God to just please me. The outcome was terrible, wasted
time and resources, made nasty mistakes. It was all self-deceit. It hurts so
badly.
You know, I felt like Jonah who deceived hims
elf by thinking
he could run away from God. His experience in the belly of the fish was sure a
terrifying one, he saw the greatness of God which later propelled him to
submit to God. You shouldn’t fall a
victim, tell yourself the truth now and face it.
Jeremiah 17:9 says
The heart is more deceitful above all things, and it is exceedingly perverse
and corrupt and severely mortally sick! Who can know it? Like who can perceive,
understand, be acquainted with his own heart and mind?
So many times, we think we have got it covered, we give
excuses and deceive ourselves and then at the end we wet our beds with tears
regretting those actions. Enough of that friends, own up and do what is right
when you feel the need. Quit self deceit. Save yourself the stress now.
Just tell God to
Invade you, to take charge of your heart, your mind and your everything , then
you won’t be self-driven but will have peace and the holy spirit will lead you.
Only if you choose to let him, Rom 8:6
says; Now the mind of the flesh, which is sense and reason, without the
holy spirit; is death, and death that comprises all the miseries arising from
sin, both here and hereafter, But the mind of the holy spirit is life and
peace, now and forever.
It is not easy to learn the hard way, stop deceiving yourself
with the saying “experience is the best teacher’’ oh well, on the negative
side, you will regret those actions , you will wish you had known better before
doing some things. So now you have the opportunity to learn from others stories, from
the stories in the bible and by the teachings you get daily. Take heed.
Yaayiiii Peace!
Kore
photo credit: @esanharrisphotography
I totally agree with you korex....we tend to struggle whenever we dont yield to God's plan...I love the dramatic vibe on this articles..Nice work dear..yaayiiiii
ReplyDeleteSelf deception! A very deadly attribute that we all seem to possess. "It's no big deal, I can handle it, It will be fine, I got this, etc." We try to do everything all by ourselves. We only run to God when we need him. He literally turn him into a genie. This post really touched me. The writing style is also a plus. Like you said, Korex I pray we realize the deception we are caught in quickly, learn from others before it's too late. May God help us. More grace dear.
ReplyDelete